Directed by Chris Weitz
Written by Melissa Rosenberg
Based on the novel by Stephenie Meyer
Novel Published 8-21-2006
Film Released 11-20-2009
Have I learned anything since having seen and read the first installment of the Twilight Saga? Not really. Only that emo girls who grow up to become emo women will tend to write about their angsty emo teen years with a bit of romantic fantasy rolled in. Upon her arrival to a small town in Washington state, Bella and Edward (Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson) fall madly in love. However, in the story's sequel, these star-crossed lovers can't seem to agree on a minor dispute – whether or not to turn Bella into a vampire. So when bad boy Edward bolts, Bella bites off more than she can chew by rebounding to some younger blood in Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner).
I posed one question in my review of Twilight: will I become a member of Team Edward or Team Jacob? Before I answer that question, I'd like to review Twilight: New Moon as a comparison to the first film. Being about a breakup, New Moon isn't jam packed with gushy, puppy-love, overly romanticized writing. Edward still feels the need to declare his love for Bella, like clockwork. But since he's mostly AWOL, I wasn't bombarded with sonnets and cheesy Hallmark poems in every scene. This story is about the budding relationship between Bella and Jacob, the young boy who grew up to be a young man who grew up into a werewolf, marked by a long awaited, desperately needed haircut (or at least the removal of an awful wig).
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| Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner |
The relationship between Bella and Jacob is much more organic. They had known each other since they were very young. Even though they didn't necessarily grow up together, their new relationship develops as that of two human teenagers, not a girl and a monster. That is, until he becomes “a man”.
Which brings me to the question I ask (and will answer) for this review: have I learned anything from having seen the second installment of the Twilight Saga? Yes. Emo girls who grow up into emo women write romanticized stories about their angsty emo teen years A LOT! Here is how the plot of these two stories have panned out so far: Girl falls in love with an older man, a bad boy. Boy loves her, but is too dangerous for her so he runs away. Girl remembers a friend, a young boy. Boy has since become a man. Boy loves her, but is too dangerous for her so he runs away. Monsters try to kill her but are convinced not to. Girl tries to kill herself, one boy tries to kill himself, another boy saves her life. Other monsters try to kill her but are also convinced not to.
This juxtaposition is a terribly transparent metaphor teaching young girls that all boys will eventually grow up to become dangerous beasts who, when angered in the slightest, could not be held responsible for their own actions. On the contrary, it also romanticizes men, depicting them as righteous heroes who would sacrifice their love and their lives to keep their woman out of harms way.
That having been said, the decision between Edward or Jacob is really a matter of what kind of jerk would you prefer. Consulting some of the arguments I vaguely remember from some Burger King commercials of yore, my vote would have to be with Team Jacob. He makes for a great heat source, being extremely warm-blooded, you can nap and eat meals together like normal people, he's a handyman, he can venture out into the daylight, and he can most likely procreate normal human babies (will come back to this topic when I inevitably review the fourth Twilight story). Furthermore, Edward is unwilling to obey Bella's wishes and let her become a vampire, damned immortal soul and all. By the end of the film, Jacob is totally willing to put her life in danger, keeping her around just to he can finally get some! But Bella wants what Bella can't have – an older man too dangerous for her own good who lusts for her flesh at every single kiss. Jacob, you poor horny bastard... I feel for you.
Lastly, I'm glad to report that now that werewolves have been sighted in the Twilight Saga, some decent action scenes have utilized much better visual effects. Sure, I loved the quirkiness of the pickup baseball game in the first story. But it doesn't quite top giant werewolves biting at each other and tearing vampires apart. Oh yeah, did I mention these werewolves are like... 5 feet tall, on all fours? Awesome.
I think I may skip reading the novelized version of New Moon and skip the third story Eclipse altogether. I'm eager to see what's in store for these star-crossed lovers as the saga comes to an end. With a title like Breaking Dawn for a series called Twilight, who wouldn't be?
Rating: 5.0 out of 10
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